Guest Blog: Haley

It's rare that I find a really, really good girlfriend at rapid speed. It usually takes me a while to warm up, to open up and genuinely engage in friendship with other women. So, when Haley and I hung out the first time over a couple of drinks at a local pub and TOTALLY hit it off as friends, I was floored. She was honest, open, vulnerable, hilarious, friendly, and she was a closet Lady Gaga fan. The rest is history really... albeit a short, 3 month history, but history nonetheless.

Haley has a brilliant mind. She asks good, deep questions and ponders the things that affect our hearts and spirits. She has a refreshing perspective on so many things, so she was an obvious choice for a guest blog spot here this week. She's got a blog of her own, and you can follow her on Twitter (@haleykristine). I hope you enjoy her post about honesty and the things we allow to define us.

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When Nish asked me if I would write a guest post for her blog while she and her fam were in the midst of moving, I said yes—obviously.  And after I said yes I thought, “what on earth am I going to write about!?”  Last night as I was washing my face (I get all my good ideas in the bathroom) I was thinking of that scene in the Anne of Avonlea movie where Gilbert tells Anne he always thought she should write about Avonlea.  I’m pretty sure he insults one of Anne’s many gallant heroes in the process and Anne gets her feelings hurt, but that’s not really the point.  The point is that Gilbert, in all his dreamy eyed, Canadian accented wisdom, was telling Anne to write what she knew.

What I know these days is that in the past fourteen months or so I’ve taken apart most of what I thought I knew about myself.  I realized didn’t have much to work with because I wasn’t really sure who I was.  I also learned that rather than take responsibility for who I want to be, for who I believe God’s made me to be, I have been content to put that responsibility on other people.  I have asked OTHER people to tell me who I am.  I have asked OTHER people—my mother, my friends, my boyfriends, my family members— to name me.

My church had a women’s forum about a month ago, and one of the topics we discussed was naming.  I made a list of names that other people had given me.  What I realized as I sat looking at my list (broken, unworthy, ugly, fat, unloveable, abandonable) was that other people may have given me those names, but I took them on as my own and I began to call myself those names.

There is comfort in asking other people to name us.  Because if they are wrong we are not to blame, they are.  Or at least it’s easy to pretend it’s their fault, as long as we conveniently forget that we’re the ones who asked them to name us, who took on the names they called us, in the first place.  But you know, or at least I knew, that even with all my attempts to discover who I was through other people, I was really the one who didn’t know who I was.

What I am learning about that list of names is that they are not who I am, God did not name me those things.  I know this intellectually.  I know that God does not call me broken because Jesus was sent to bind up the brokenhearted.  I know that I am not unworthy because through Christ I am made worthy.  I know that God does not call me ugly or fat.  I know that God loves me more than anything and nothing can separate me from that love.  I know that He will never leave me or forsake me.  The problem with intellectual knowledge is that it is not heart knowledge.

I cannot force my identity in Christ to become heart knowledge.  I cannot MAKE myself believe that God names me something other than what I have named myself.  I have to live into His love for me.  I have to LIVE into the names He calls me.  And to do that I have to come honestly before Him and admit that I CANNOT become who He made me to be on my own.  I CANNOT be who He made me to be WITHOUT HIM.  HE leads me and HE names me.

Lord, give me ears to hear You.

What about you?  What have other people named you?  What have you named yourself?  Who does God say that you are?

Guest Blog: Joy Eggerichs

My friends, today you have the unique and great privilege of reading some words from Joy Eggerichs. Joy and I, for the past year or so, have had lots of similar friends, and have been brief acquaintances... but I didn't really have the opportunity to sit down and chat with Joy until earlier this month. And WOW, I have been missing out! Joy is sincere, honest, intelligent, and she cares very deeply about the hearts of women.

Joy works for Love and Respect Ministries, a marriage ministry started and prompted by her father, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his now-famous marriage book of the same title, "Love and Respect." She is engaged in some very deep and fascinating research regarding several aspects of marriage, and she has volunteered to share some of her questions and heart here at The Outdoor Wife.

So please, take a moment to read what Joy has to share, and please contribute to the discussion by answering her questions in the comments!

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Being the daughter of and working for the man who wrote a book on marriage titled, “Love and Respect,” has made it impossible to ignore the word 'respect' and what it means to me.  I will admit, Ephesians 5:33 is not a passage many of us women jump for joy when reading.

“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” 

Ephesians 5:33

I have had to ask myself this question and would like to pose it to you…

Question: Is respect only earned or should it be given unconditionally?


Society
For myself, when I first looked at society as a whole, I thought that I should live life in a way that earns people’s respect. I am only responsible for me, right? And as a Christian, I should probably show humanity unconditional respect even if I don’t respect or agree with their behavior. From my view of Jesus in scripture, that seems to be the way he operated with people on earth.


Marriage
Looking at marriage (as a single person) I thought through my idea of what unconditional love and respect would look like. Personally, I want both. So, are love and respect different? I think this can be the hardest question I get from people.  It’s hard to define because love and respect will play out differently depending on the person.

Some people believe that men and women are exactly the same. If this is what you believe, then deciding that God could give us different instructions based on our sex would be irrelevant to you.  You will disagree with me, and that’s okay.

My conclusions are based on what I have read and observed.  Those experiences, as well as research on the male and female brain gives me confidence to state: we are different. What people can wrongly assume is when we say someone is different; we are stating that they are lesser in value.

This is wrong.

My mother and I both know we desire respect, but my mother voices the desire because she feels so assured of my father’s love.  If I am honest with myself, I know I expect respect, but I don’t dream about it the way I dream about being loved.  But, since I know I want both, why wouldn’t scripture say, “Husbands and wives, unconditionally love and respect one another?”

My dad has said, “We all need love and respect equally. However, as years pass in marriage, (especially in conflict) felt needs differ.  For example, most husbands are assured of their wives’ love but wonder if their wives really like and respect who they are as a human being.”

He points out this difference can be due to wives loving more naturally (generally speaking) than husbands. This explains why God does not command a wife to agape-love her husband.  Only a husband is instructed to agape (unconditional) love.  God instructs wives to respect in a way He does not instruct husbands.  This may mean it’s not as natural for women to unconditionally respect.  My dad says men live by an honor code, so respect can be easier for them (again, generally speaking).

Understandably, I sense resistance to the instruction of unconditional respect because we have seen cases of abuse. We can think of the women who stay in relationships with men who yell, “Respect me woman!”  But again, as I have learned from my father, we are never to respect evil behavior, but we have the power to respectfully confront evil behavior.  The Biblical instruction becomes a gift and a tool that is full of power.  Showing contempt for someone will never work.

Would anger and contempt motivate you to change?

Abuse aside, most of us are dealing with men who naturally are flawed (so are we) but are not evil men. So then, what are we called to do? Should respect in marriage be earned? Is that what Ephesians 5:33 means? If my future husband says his love has to be earned, I will feel like our partnership is performance based.  I will live feeling like I can never good enough.

That’s no fun.

I realize that regardless of what society says, I will trust (even when it doesn’t make sense) this instruction’s ability to strengthen and create freedom in my future marriage. It might not be easy or natural, but like I said earlier, I am only responsible for me.  This is about how I come across, not about my husband being perfectly respectable.  I hope his demeanor is loving, instead of demanding that I appear perfectly lovable.




Research
It finally clicked for me when I read the results of our ministry’s research over the last year. We asked around 7,000 people if in conflict they feel more unloved or disrespected?

83% of men said they felt more disrespected.
72% of women said they felt more unloved. 



Equal but different.

Therefore, my conclusion can only be to trust the likelihood that he called me to be obedient in a different way.  And that’s ok.


Questions: Do you agree? Is respect only earned or should it be given unconditionally? Has anyone seeing the positive effects of being obedient even when it doesn’t feel natural to our character?

Guest Blog: Kim from Yellow Songbird

I love creative and crafty people. I really do. They are such an inspiration to me and frankly, I've always been in awe of that kind of talent.

I am a horrible crafter. I don't have an eye for design, fabrics, decorating... you name it. I'm just not good at it... but oh, I love people who do! I love perusing through Etsy looking for handmade items, or cruising home-decorating blogs, daydreaming about having a personal stylist come take care of my home.

Kim, the beautiful young woman who contributes today, is one of those awesomely crafty people. Have you seen her stuff? No? Oh, well you should... then purchase every item so I can vicariously live through you and enjoy your new adorable stuff. Seriously. The coffee cuffs? The covered button earrings? Forget about it, I'm sold. The links to her sites are below, in her post.

Kim also has an amazing heart for Jesus. She pursues Him, looks to Him, and leans into Him. So even though I love her amazing craftiness, I love her heart even more.

Enjoy her post today!

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Hello! My name is Kim and I’m the face behind the blog, “Yellow Songbird” and the shop “oh, sweet joy.” This is my first guest blog post and I’m not sure what to do with it. However, my husband and I went home to Texas this weekend for Chase’s brother’s high school graduation and a wedding of some dear friends. The Lord spoke to me in a pretty real way on the way home so I think that’s the best thing to share right now.

We drove, which takes anywhere from 12.5 to14 hours, depending on stops and weather. The drive there wasn’t bad, although we got in around 3:45 a.m.  The drive back was rough. We were exhausted from four days of nonstop activity with family & friends, driving back and forth between Celina & Dallas, and late nights followed by early mornings.

Once we got in the car, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to be back into our townhome in Gunnison, see our friends, watch LOST, and go to bed.  My hope and my joy were revolving around those four things.  My comfort was determined by how rested I was and if we were making “good time.”

Music is one of the few things that keeps me awake while I’m driving. I drove from about 4 p.m. to 1:30 a.m. and by the time we passed midnight i.was.struggling.  However, once you put on Jeff Johnson for me to harmonize with, I’m golden….singing my little heart out and staying awake while worshipping.

On the way back, I was driving my shift and we had the ipod on a genius mix. An old-school Switchfoot song came on and at first I was like, hmmm “a walk to remember” soundtrack? no thanks! But decided to listen anyways…Here are the lyrics that seemed as though they were being yelled at me


“maybe we’ve been living with our eyes half open, maybe we’re bent & broken”


“we were meant to live for so much more, have we lost ourselves?”


“we want more than this world’s got to offer and everything inside screams for second life”


Anyways… Kim, where are you going with this? You’re probably wondering and thinking about clicking away… just hear me out for one more paragraph.

every.single.day… I find myself living for other things. My hope, joy, comfort, and peace are set on things that are fleeting and are eventually going to let me down. The idols in my life are so real, even though I pretend I don’t have them.  Every day I find my comfort in my home, my joy in whether or not Chase is having a good day at work or if I make sales in my etsy shop, my hope in a good workout, someone liking my work, and productivity throughout the day, my peace in whether or not the house is clean and the dishes are done.  Are all of these things/idols bad in themselves? No. my husband is a good thing. My home is a blessing. My etsy shop is fun. My house being clean & dishes being done are really important. However, when I start to concentrate on these things first thing when I wake up, and not spending time with the Lord,  my day is screwed. My priorities aren’t straight and I struggle to focus on what is important.

We have a living hope in our Jesus, but do we live like it?

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead… 1 Peter 1:3

What are you putting your hope, joy, comfort & peace in and what idols can you displace today?

Guest Blog: The Tiny Twig

I love it when people try new things, step out of their comfort zone, and get adventurous. When people think of "adventure," a lot of minds instantly think of climbing mountains, jumping off cliffs, traveling the world, and exploring the wilderness. But in my mind, an adventure is just trying something new, especially if you have kids.

The Tiny Twig has joined us here to talk about her take on living a life of purpose, fulfillment and adventure. Her blog, Tiny Twig Goes Out On a Limb, is all about her journey to live a life of purpose and intention through trying new things and expanding the horizons of herself, her husband and her two dangerously cute little boys. She sticks true to my belief, that to find adventure, you simply need to get out of bed in the morning.

Enjoy!
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Adventure, inspiration, excitement, value, intention, enduring story.  These are all words that circle through my head daily.  I want to live a life of purpose and heart.  I value a life well lived, and at the end of it, a worn out body and a rich mind and soul.  When I became a mother, this desire to live an adventuresome life expanded exponentially.  I couldn't let these boys of mine have a life of days lived out in front of a television screen, knowing nothing more about the world than the confines of our home.

Now, unlike Mrs. Fancy Pants Outdoor Wife, I won't be winning any "outdoorsy" awards anytime soon.  I am about as opposite of outdoorsy as they come.  But, my adventures are lived out in the stacks of libraries, in the rooms of a homeless shelter, cooking foreign meals, and the like.  I like to think of myself as a cultural adventurer.  I accept new challenges with zeal, and I am always trying to show my boys that they have the power to do things and to do them well.  The world needs not perfection (because that will only come through Jesus), but people willing to think big thoughts, dream big dreams, and do big things.

So, do you value adventure?  What is the last good adventure you had?  Even if it was cooking something new and hoping (praying!) that your 3 year old would eat it...hey, I'd call that an adventure any day.  3 year old's are brutal!

Moving Week!

I can't believe it's finally arrived: Moving Week.

My house is in shambles and boxes, with about half of our belongings packed away, the other half in cabinets and shelves and closets. I've learned that moving away for a summer is much harder than moving somewhere permanently. Trying to figure out what to bring and what to leave is an incredible battle! When you move for good, it's pretty simple: Everything goes, and if you don't want to bring it, get rid of it!

So, all of my attention has been directed at packing this house. Our moving day is Wednesday, and I hope to get the new place all moved in and settled by the holiday weekend. That may be a tall order to fill, but I am determined... and probably the most stubborn person on the planet, so chances are good that I can get it done.

Since I will be preoccupied with packing and moving for the week, I have lined up some awesome ladies to fill in for me here! It is my hope and prayer that you will read their posts and allow the Spirit to lead you into reflection. They all have great contributions and they all ask some awesome questions.

So, if you would, please give them the same warm & kind response that you do for me. I look forward to reconnecting with you all next week, from our summer home near the river.

I'm back! Well, kind of.

If you haven't noticed, I haven't been writing much here lately. Not because I haven't wanted to, but because we've been on the road and in the air! Yep, this little family finally went traveling. 

 

First, we went to Denver, where we got reunited with some family we haven't seen in a while, like our niece, Kate.

We also got to see Erik's brother, Matt, graduate from college with a degree in Engineering. We got to hang out with his girlfriend, Karen... we like her!

The trip to Denver was tough on Rowan. He was a little sleep-deprived. Bad for him, great snuggles for me.

After the graduation, we left Denver and headed to Salt Lake City. Our dear friends, Kyle and Joy are planting a church in the urban core of the city. It was amazing to visit and hear how God is transforming the hearts of the people there. 

In Salt Lake, we visited their public library, which is ranked the best in the US. Rightfully so, it's unreal.

Then, Joy and I took a stroll through the LDS Temple Square.

To answer your question, no, we're not Mormon. But, the history of the Mormons is so deeply rooted in SLC's history, I was really excited to go visit and sight-see.

If you're not Mormon, you're not allowed inside the Temple. But the outside was really beautiful and the architecture is stunning. The grounds were immaculate, with tulips and pansies blooming everywhere. 

So, that's where we've been! And, I apologize, but this is only a brief stop-in to say hi and post some pictures. Next week, you'll be hearing from some good friends who are guest-blogging for me! Yep, it's moving week already, so I'll be running around crazy and heading south to our new home for the summer. You'll definitely want to be around next week, there is some GREAT stuff being posted here! 

And thanks to everyone for your emails, notes, comments and tweets. It's encouraging to know that you enjoy reading the blog enough to miss me when I'm not around! I'll be around more soon, I promise. 

Living afresh.

I confess that my blog has gone neglected for a few days lately.

Not out of lack of desire for writing, but rather because of... well, life. With Erik out of town, my spare time is limited. When I do have a few moments to myself while the boy naps, I'm usually making it a priority to shower, or get things done around the house. Finding time to write even while Rowan was awake didn't use to be a problem... but you see, he's now mobile. 

Yes, my almost-six-month-old is crawling, and he crawls FAST. Long gone are the days of setting him down with a couple of toys and walking away to fold laundry. No, no. If he is on the ground, so am I. I'm not going through great lengths to baby-proof my house since we'll be moving out of it in two short weeks... so I'm opting to be on the ground, barricading him from sockets, door stops and dog food.

At first, I was kind of annoyed. I liked the safety. It was easy. But now, I absolutely love it. It's terrifying, to be sure... but it's hilarious and fun and wild and exciting to see my little boy experience the world differently than he did only three weeks ago.

I watch him grab new things with wonder, or spot his dogs from across the room and revel in the fact that he can get to them himself. I don't need to call them over to us, he just stalks them (the dogs are rather annoyed at his newfound mobility. Now that he can move, our pups will know no peace).

While I watch and smile at my own son's delight, I am reminded of the One who delights in us as we experience new things and live life afresh. 

Though the world that we are bound to now is broken and cracked in some of it's most sacred places, I am reminded that there is so much here to enjoy, to learn, to experience, to feel and to love.

There is an eternal prize, yes and Amen. But I refuse to ignore His simple wonders on this journey's path.

There will come a day when all is made new and beauty is restored and His Kingdom will reign forever... but His Kingdom is breaking through already - here, on Earth, in this very spot, right beneath our noses, in the smallest and simplest ways.

What new experience are you living today?

Humbled. Grateful. Joyful.

I'll write more about this soon, but I'm just stopping in to say that (in)courage has awarded me a sponsorship to the Relevant Conference. 

I can't even begin to describe the excitement and joy I have in my heart. I am so humbled...

...and so excited!

I read the posts at (in)courage every morning and the writers are all some of my favorites that I read daily. 

Thanks for the opportunity. I'm beyond honored.

Thankful on a Thursday - People

Today, I'm thankful for the presence of people in my life. The small, tight and intimate community that has surrounded me, loved me, prayed for me, and lifted me up. The friends that listen when I'm hurting. The friends that encourage when I'm insecure. The friends that make me laugh when I'm feeling a little down. 

Some live here, in this quirky & cloudy city. Some live in far-away states and countries. It never seems to matter where they physically find themselves... because they offer their hearts to me & I'm able to receive them every day. In so many moments, I find that their love... that God-pouring-out-of-them kind of love... sustains me.

I just don't think I can live this life without good people. So today, I'm most deeply thankful for those who have so graciously loved me & stuck around... even despite my many flaws and shortcomings.

What are YOU thankful for this Thursday?

Please share your Thankful on a Thursday post with the link sharer below!

101.  A husband who hangs with the boy so I can go play with a dear friend who's in town.

102.  When I come home from aforementioned outing, there's cupcakes waiting for me on the counter.

103.  I have a beautiful, healthy, funny, adorable, crawling reason to celebrate Mother's Day.

104.  How small words of encouragement change my heart in big ways.

105.  Wisteria vines and how they make even the most wretched fence look stunningly beautiful.

106.  Crisp, hazy and cold mornings.

107.  Antique, fabric-covered books. 

108.  The sparkle in Rowan's eye when he catches sight of his rubber duck in the bath.

109.  Food.  All of it.   I love it.

110.  The best friends anyone could ever pray for. 

A deep yearning.

I want to get out of the concrete of the city and allow my feet to dig deep roots in a life of simplicity.

I dream of nights that wrap me up in blankets of star sparkle, instead of the warm glow of high-rises and traffic lights.

I dream of big blue skies and countless days in the brightness of warm rays.

I want the little toes of my boy to feel familiar in cool grass and dirt rather than pavement.

I want a garden. I want to learn how to grow things... nurture them... then find our bellies full of the goodness we've grown.

I dream of small town markets and a one-stop-shop for coffee... a place where I see my neighbors in the morning.

My heart aches for that big front porch with a swing that whispers "Grace is in this house."

I desire warm summer nights in that porch swing with my love. His arm around me, sitting with me in the quiet sparkle while the boy dreams his adventure boy dreams in the quiet room upstairs.

I dream of big color blooms of lilacs and honeysuckle and tulips and roses in the spring, making beautiful bouquets on our kitchen counter.

I yearn for the slow. The pause. The simple. The quiet.

So what do you do? What do you do when your deepest yearnings collide with life? If you sit in my chair, you never stop dreaming those big dreams of stars and porches.

But, you pray.

Pray for calm. Pray for the deepest peace that only comes from the One. Though I sit in the hardened grey of the city, He does a soft but strong growing in me through the waiting and yearning.

I may be living in a concrete life, I may yearn for days in the dirt, but I choose to believe that beautiful things can grow in the cracks of pavement.

What are the desires of your heart?

"Feminism" - A Discussion.

In recent conversations with both women and men, along with some comments that have been left here on the blog, I've been left a little puzzled about the term "Feminism" or "Feminist." It seems that it carries such heavy connotations for some, but for others, it's passed off rather flippantly.

When I think of a "feminist," in all its social & political implications, here's what I picture:

I think of a strong, independent woman. I think of a woman who is confident in her identity as a female... She's comfortable in her own skin, aware of her sexuality. She also fights for equal pay for an equal day's work because it's deserved, and she stands firm against injustices done to other women... both in her own country and around the world.

But what does the Church say about feminism? Why is it so attacked in Evangelical circles? Can I not be a Christian woman and also a feminist?

Where is there space for equality? Where does the man/woman divide start and finish? Is there a place in the Church for women to be bold, independent, and (gasp) leaders?

Can feminism be dangerous? If a line is indeed necessary, where do we draw it? 

Okay, enough jabber from me. What do YOU think about feminism? Are you a feminist? How would you describe it? What has been your experience with feminism in the Church?

A Vlog.

I never thought I'd do this, but... I guess there's a first time for everything, right? It's also the weekend, so chances are, not many of you will watch it.

Thank goodness.

Anyway, here I am. In all of my sleepy glory.


My First Vlog from Nish Weiseth on Vimeo.