Thankful on a Thursday - A bit tired.

Today, I don't have much to offer. I've had a rough day, a long day, and my body just needs to shut down for a while. I could sleep for a week. 

But, I'm here and I'm going to offer up my thankfulness. Because, even in the thick mud of the hard days, I'm choosing to be thankful, grateful and humbled in front of the One who restores all things anew. 

What are YOU thankful for this Thursday?

Please share your Thankful on a Thursday post with the link sharer below!

121. Spending time talking with and seeing the face of one of my oldest and dearest friends... even if its through a screen.

122. The excruciatingly cute giggle that emerges upon the sight of one rubber ducky. 

124. My deliciously hot cup of coffee that I get to enjoy every morning.

125. The fresh roses on my desk that came from the backyard.

126. An unbelievable web guru who is giving this place the biggest makeover you've ever seen. 

127. Naps in the sunshine.

128. Summer is here, which means I stop wearing makeup.

129. A really great camera that captures really great moments.

130. My church's successful move into a new building.

Some Summer Rituals.

"In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me, there any an invincible summer." 

Albert Camus

I absolutely love each season. With all the fullness of my heart, I love every single one of them in a different way.

With the arrival of summer, I feel like a part of me is set free. Summer is for warm weather. Bathing suits. Sunscreen. Messy hair. Barbecues. Fireworks. Late nights on the porch. Camping.

And now that it is summer, I am happy to revisit my summer traditions:

1. No makeup. Yep, you read that correctly. I try not to wear any makeup in the summer! If it's a special occasion, I'll get crazy and put on some mascara, but for the most part, I go completely makeup-free for about 3-4 months. I can't tell you how amazing this little tradition has been for me AND my skin.

2. Curly Hair. When summer rolls around, I try to just let my hair do what it wants. No blowdrying, no straightening. Just big, messy and crazy curls. Sometimes, it drives me nuts, but it's good to just let it be for a while. And, it's a LOT easier and I get so much more time in the mornings!

3. Wake up earlier. I try to be awake, showered, dressed with coffee in-hand by 7:30am.

4. Go to bed later. Yeah, combined with #3, I get less sleep during the week. But, it stays light here until about 9:00pm, and I'm going to enjoy every second of it. So, I go to bed much later than I usually do. Around 10:30 or 11:00.

5. Get out! I make an effort to leave the house and do something every day. Yep. Every. Single. Day. Whether that's go to the river, lay in the sun in my backyard, or just go to the grocery store, I try to leave the house every day.

6. Write Letters. I think about people I haven't spoken to in a while, people I care about, people who are in other countries, and I actually hand-write letters to them. There's nothing better than getting a beautiful, heart-felt letter in your mailbox from a friend in the summertime... telling you of their adventures in life.

What do YOU do every summer?

Soaking in Summer

The laundry was piled, the house was covered in dog hair and the bottles needed washing.

I had just put Rowan down for his afternoon nap when I stood up from the couch to stand against the sliding glass doors in the kitchen. The sun, beaming and warming the air to 82 degrees, was shouting at me to leave everything undone and just bathe in the light. I nodded and smiled.

Donned in a bikini I haven't worn in two summers, I grabbed the blanket-sized beach towel from the closet and rushed outside. I plugged in the baby monitor and coated my skin with a thick lacquer of 70 different SPFs.

[Don't laugh. If there's anything that can take away the joy of an afternoon outside, it's a sunburn. Not to mention, I'm half Irish and half Russian. You can only imagine what my skin looks like. My makeup color isn't called "Porcelain" for no good reason.]

With my tattered copy of Gilead in my hands and my sunglasses perched on my nose, I laid there. Baking. Soaking in every ounce of Vitamin D that I could in those short two hours.

I took the time to notice little things around my new backyard. The bushes that sit against the cedar and chicken-wire fence are starting to grow blooms of bright pink and red roses. The wind blew gently and little white pieces of fuzz started to swirl, though I couldn't seem to find the origin. I peered over into the garden... pleasantly surprised to see that the strawberries had turned a brilliant shade of red overnight.

Rolling over onto my back, I looked up into the endless blue to see Osprey headed towards the river to do some fishing. There wasn't a cloud in the sky.

I closed my eyes, allowing my skin to be bathed in the warmth of the sun, imagining God's arms wrapped closely around me, bringing me in towards him in an embrace. I could feel Him, I could see Him, I could smell Him.

For too long have I let my heart be turned towards the things of the dark... bitterness, anger and discontent. It took a couple of hours in the Light and Warmth to see that I need to be turned around... away from the stench of garbage and turned towards the smells of freshly cut grass, Water Babies sunscreen and grape popsicles. The things of joy. Of love. Of contentment.

For me, I just need a couple of hours outside to be set straight.

What does it take for you to have your heart realigned?

A post about Postpartum Depression.

For those of you who have been around here for a while, you know that I battled, fought and won my war with postpartum depression. I don't really talk about it and I didn't talk about it while I was in the thick of it either. It's not something that I have allowed to define me... as a mother, a woman or even as a person. It is something that I went through and something I came out of. I have spent many, many hours and days processing everything that I went through. Now that I'm on the other side, I feel that I offer a rare and unique perspective on this crippling, devastating and terrifying condition.

For those of you that frequent this place regularly, I apologize for what seems like a break in our regularly scheduled programming. Things will get back to normal tomorrow with Thankful on a Thursday!

There are a couple of things about this post that I want to make CRYSTAL clear before I begin:

• I am NOT a medical professional. I am NOT a licensed counselor. I am NOT an authority figure on the subject of postpartum depression. I am only a woman. I went through it and now I'm here to tell the tale and offer my perspective. That's it. Take it or leave it.

• Yes, this post is written in response to the conflict that recently came up with a few well-known bloggers. I read every post and every comment and came to the conclusion (after MUCH prayer and conversation with others) that as a fellow survivor of postpartum depression, and more importantly, a follower of Christ, it is my duty to speak light into a dark place. 

• I am NOT jumping into an argument. This post is strictly informational. Too many of the comments and posts stated words along the lines of "I don't have PPD, so I don't understand." I believe every person should seek out understanding and knowledge before jumping into conversations so fragile as these. So, as someone who has been through the hell of postpartum depression and is now living happily, joyfully and depression-free with my family, I thought I'd offer what little experience and knowledge I have to maybe help others understand more what these women are facing every day.

Now, I'll offer what I know to be true in my own personal experience:

One of, if not the most overwhelming, feeling that comes with PPD is guilt. It's perpetuated by the lack of sleep, irritability, loss of interest in favorite activities, detachment from the child, feelings of hopelessness and just general sadness. In my own experience, I wasn't over-the-moon happy when Rowan was first born. In my mind, I believed I should have been... so the guilt crept in. Before I knew it, it had me completely incapacitated with irrational feelings of worthlessness. This led to suicidal thoughts and I danced a razor-thin edge of acting on those thoughts.

The key (in my experience) to understanding PPD as opposed to dissatisfaction with motherhood, or even just the baby blues, is the word "irrational." I knew that something much more serious was happening when I was having irrational thoughts of killing myself, believing that my son and husband would be better off without me around. Now, as a person who has never struggled with depression or mental health issues of any kind, this was indeed an irrational thought process for someone like me... leading to an accurate diagnosis of postpartum depression.

Another thing that's crucial to understand about postpartum depression is that for many women, it feels like we're being attacked at random moments. It is not abnormal for a woman suffering from PPD to tell you what a great afternoon she had with her child, then literally 10 minutes later, be crying uncontrollably in a heaping mess on the floor, wracked with guilt, sadness, or even uncontrollable rage. PPD for many is not a 24/7 feeling. So, to translate this into the blogging world, that means that when one post is a glowing picture of their child and how much they love them and the next is how they have feelings of inflicting harm on aforementioned child, THAT is PPD, my friends. It's not trying to cover it up. It's not pretending that everything's okay. Sometimes, there are okay moments! But the not-okay moments are crippling at best. And its in those hard, broken moments that the small victories are passed off as insignificant. Are you beginning to see the battle that's being fought here? There is no rhyme or reason to postpartum depression, it seems. It strikes at will and sometimes, it's all we can do to keep standing when it does.

The next thing I want to talk about is coping and healing. This is where everyone has an opinion and everyone is always happy to give it freely. Every woman copes with postpartum depression differently. For me, I played my cards pretty close to the chest. I can count on almost one hand how many people knew about my struggle. We didn't even tell our immediate family! It's not because I was ashamed, or that we didn't trust them with the knowledge, but simply because it's what I needed, personally. I knew that I needed a small community of people around me, who could come be WITH me in the flesh. I knew that answering questions about my depression on the phone every time I talked to my family would be too much. I knew that writing about it for the world to see was not something that would benefit me or my healing process. My goal was to separate myself from the depression, to see it as "other" or outside of myself. Something that I could look at objectively in the good moments and put plans into place for the bad moments. If I was asked about it every five minutes, I wouldn't have been able to do that.

I was also able to come out of PPD victoriously without medication. I am NOT saying that medication is bad. But I took my counseling sessions very seriously, did my homework, and sought after healing very vigorously. My mission was to come out of PPD without medication. Personally, I was able to do it with the community, counseling and support that I had in place. It took a LOT of work from a LOT of people (including myself!) to get me out of it, but by God, we did it. This is not possible for many, many women. Sometimes, and often, the hormonal and chemical imbalances behind postpartum depression are just too much for the human body to overcome on its own. 


I will go ahead and say this: Whether you believe you are suffering from PPD or not, going to speak to a counselor about your experience with motherhood is a GREAT and HEALTHY thing to do! Counselors and therapy should not only be reserved for those struggling with severe mental health issues. They are able to offer great, objective perspective on different situations, allowing your mind to rest, expand and see things differently when needed. I also believe it's important to find a counselor that is a good fit for YOU. I came to know my counselor through my dear pastor friend at church. She came highly recommended and I was told "She has a a very calming sense about her." That's what I needed. It was a beautiful fit. If you meet with one counselor and it doesn't seem like a good, comfortable fit, don't be afraid to speak up and ask for another recommendation. Comfort and trust are huge in your relationship with your counselor.

So this leaves me with one final discussion point: What can YOU do to help someone going through postpartum depression?

I am a huge believer in the power of genuine, empathetic human connection. I believe that when we come together to overcome an obstacle, great things are accomplished! However, statements like this: "I don't have PPD, but I know how you feel!" Are not helpful, because it's not a truthful connection that you're trying to make. Your motives might be pure in trying to help by creating a sympathetic, or even empathetic connection... but unless you REALLY know how that person feels, maybe it's best not to say that. Instead, maybe you can offer up a good word of encouragement... because as my friend says, "We all struggle. We all need cheerleaders."

Instead of trying to offer up feelings of false empathy, maybe you can send a friendly email, asking if there's anything, big or small, that you can do to help in a practical way. Maybe you can offer to send a pack of diapers to their home so that they don't have a breakdown in the baby supplies aisle at Target? Maybe you can get a group of other bloggers, friends, or acquaintances together and purchase a few movie tickets for a night out with her husband, or gift certificates to local restaurants in their area. Or maybe you can just read more about postpartum depression and get involved in your local area to offer support or childcare for other women going through the same battle?

Even though the connection that we have with each other is strong, the power of human connection never trumps the power of divine intervention. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for a woman going through postpartum depression is to get on your knees and pray on their behalf. If you are not the praying type, maybe just spend some time reflecting on their battle and offer up some encouraging thoughts or quotes that come to your mind. Sometimes, just knowing that she is being remembered in her struggle is the biggest gift she can receive.

So, that's what I know. I hope this helps shed some light on some common misconceptions and misunderstandings. If you or someone you know is going through postpartum depression, I would love to hear your story and offer to pray on your behalf.

I pray for all the love, compassion and comfort of Christ for you today.

Summer's First Trip

Yesterday, we went for a float down a small section of the Rogue River here in southern Oregon. Erik grew up on this river, and I've become familiar with it after many summers of being so closely tied to the rafting company he works for. But, yesterday was Rowan's first time down the river.

Erik and I are currently in possession of his dad's drift boat. For those of you who aren't familiar with river-speak, this is a kind of boat that is specifically made for navigating rivers. Sometimes you'll see motors on them, but ours is powered by my husband's strong arms on the oars. And really, on this river, there's not much need for a motor.

Anyway, we have access to the aforementioned boat. This particular boat is special... it was the boat that Erik rode in for the first time down the river with HIS dad when he was 9 months old. It was really fun for us to use it into the next generation.

We packed up some snacks, slathered sunscreen on Rowan and myself and traveled down the Rogue. It was beautiful. Stunning. Picturesque. I am so overwhelmed by the beauty that lies practically in my backyard. I am so looking forward to many, many floats this summer.

Rowan did amazingly well. He wasn't a huge fan of the lifejacket, but he managed to stay pleasant the whole trip and even fell asleep when we traveled down the flat sections. He was a trooper and it further solidified our belief that our child LOVES being outside.

Enjoy a few of the pictures!

Inspiration.

I have been in a writing slump. A big one.

I am often inspired to write by stories of change and transformation in people's lives. I'm inspired by the Gospel going forward. I'm inspired by creativity and books and conversation and big acts of love and compassion.

Perhaps I'm looking in the wrong places, but lately, I've had a difficult time finding inspiration in the writings of others. Lately, I have seen a lot of negativity, a lot of unnecessary conflict. Those things don't inspire me. They make me gloomy. Bitter. Unmotivated.

So, I'm asking you... my lovely and dear friends, where are you finding inspiration? What have you read or seen lately that has inspired you to write and create? Truly the Lord is in all things and I am certainly seeking Him out and wrestling with His changing my heart... but I have a deep craving to see and hear how He is changing you and how He is working in your life.

Tell me:

What's challenging you? What's inspiring you? What's new in your heart?

Things I loved this week.

There are a few blogs around the web that have a weekly post on Fridays, listing the things they found around the internet that they loved. I think this is a great idea, because I love sharing the goodness! I mean really, who doesn't love a hilarious YouTube video, or cute Etsy find, or a piece of writing that makes your spirit want to soar right out of your chest?

So, here are a few things that I came across this week that I really loved:

1. The launch of The MOB Society (did I mention that I'm a contributor? No? Oh, well I am!)
2. This video from Viral Video Film School on the greatest YouTube pranks. Hilarious!
3. "How to really enjoy other people" by The Gypsy Mama (Lisa-Jo)
4. This book. It is stirring and beautifully written. I'm reading it for the third time.
5. An amazing organization that's raising up local, indigenous leaders in South Africa.
6. Josh Ritter's newest album.
7. Seeing blogging friends enjoy the adventure of the outdoors, even if its in flip-flops.

What did YOU enjoy this week? I would love to hear!

Happy Friday! 

Thankful on a Thursday - Unrest.

I sat on the couch with my legs pulled up to my chest, tears slowly making their way down my cheeks. I can hear the crunch of the gravel driveway beneath his car tires as he pulls away from our makeshift home.

I am in a state of unrest. I am discontent.

We all dream of, and sometimes achieve, that feeling of contentment despite our life's surroundings. I'm being completely honest here when I say that I am just not there right now. 

Rafting season is hard for me. Erik leaves for work before I get out of bed and doesn't arrive home until it's time for Rowan's bath and last bottle. They are long days, and very lonely days. Then, add an unfamiliar house in a very small unfamiliar town with very little familiar faces... well, you know how it feels. Right? Surely you've moved away from home before and have tried to find rest and contentment in a new, unfamiliar place.

I have done what I know to do: Unpack quickly. Hang pictures on the wall. Cook a meal in the new kitchen. Drive around the new town, finding your own way around. 

I seek out advice, a kind or encouraging word, only to be recited Scripture. He'll never leave me or forsake me. He knows me in my inmost being. Then, the guilt comes. Why is that knowledge not enough? Why do I seek after more? Is there more than that? Why do I search for things to bring contentment besides the One? What does any of it even mean?

I'm not sure. I don't know the answer to any of those questions. But I'm choosing to be thankful for this season... a season that will allow me to dig deep into the heart of the matter and find out what it means to be content in the middle of my loneliness and unrest. But as I sit here in front of my computer screen with a piping-hot cup of coffee, I'm quickly realizing that I might be more settled than I think. The routines are back. The same lack of motivation to finish the laundry has indeed, returned. 

Maybe I'll be okay, after all.

What are YOU thankful for this Thursday?

Please share your Thankful on a Thursday post with the link sharer below!

111. The mist that settles in over the new, green back yard in the early hours of the morning.

112. The land that we're living on and how much fun it is to see the dogs run.

113. I'm a short 5 minute drive from the mighty Rogue River... and she is beautiful.

114. An afternoon exploring the Applegate Valley and wine-tasting with my love.

115. The many friends and helping hands who came to assist in my packing.

116. The touch of summer warmth on my bare legs.

117. My guys. 

118. The opportunity to be a part of a new collaborative effort. 

119. Freshly-washed sheets.

120. I may feel lonely, but I am never alone. He will never leave me or forsake me.

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Thanks to all of my guest bloggers who contributed during moving week last week! I can't tell you how grateful I am for your contributions. They brought a lot of life and perspective to me, and I'm sure many others.

And thanks to everyone who sent emails, comments and tweets of encouragement. It's good to be back. 

Guest Blog: Haley

It's rare that I find a really, really good girlfriend at rapid speed. It usually takes me a while to warm up, to open up and genuinely engage in friendship with other women. So, when Haley and I hung out the first time over a couple of drinks at a local pub and TOTALLY hit it off as friends, I was floored. She was honest, open, vulnerable, hilarious, friendly, and she was a closet Lady Gaga fan. The rest is history really... albeit a short, 3 month history, but history nonetheless.

Haley has a brilliant mind. She asks good, deep questions and ponders the things that affect our hearts and spirits. She has a refreshing perspective on so many things, so she was an obvious choice for a guest blog spot here this week. She's got a blog of her own, and you can follow her on Twitter (@haleykristine). I hope you enjoy her post about honesty and the things we allow to define us.

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When Nish asked me if I would write a guest post for her blog while she and her fam were in the midst of moving, I said yes—obviously.  And after I said yes I thought, “what on earth am I going to write about!?”  Last night as I was washing my face (I get all my good ideas in the bathroom) I was thinking of that scene in the Anne of Avonlea movie where Gilbert tells Anne he always thought she should write about Avonlea.  I’m pretty sure he insults one of Anne’s many gallant heroes in the process and Anne gets her feelings hurt, but that’s not really the point.  The point is that Gilbert, in all his dreamy eyed, Canadian accented wisdom, was telling Anne to write what she knew.

What I know these days is that in the past fourteen months or so I’ve taken apart most of what I thought I knew about myself.  I realized didn’t have much to work with because I wasn’t really sure who I was.  I also learned that rather than take responsibility for who I want to be, for who I believe God’s made me to be, I have been content to put that responsibility on other people.  I have asked OTHER people to tell me who I am.  I have asked OTHER people—my mother, my friends, my boyfriends, my family members— to name me.

My church had a women’s forum about a month ago, and one of the topics we discussed was naming.  I made a list of names that other people had given me.  What I realized as I sat looking at my list (broken, unworthy, ugly, fat, unloveable, abandonable) was that other people may have given me those names, but I took them on as my own and I began to call myself those names.

There is comfort in asking other people to name us.  Because if they are wrong we are not to blame, they are.  Or at least it’s easy to pretend it’s their fault, as long as we conveniently forget that we’re the ones who asked them to name us, who took on the names they called us, in the first place.  But you know, or at least I knew, that even with all my attempts to discover who I was through other people, I was really the one who didn’t know who I was.

What I am learning about that list of names is that they are not who I am, God did not name me those things.  I know this intellectually.  I know that God does not call me broken because Jesus was sent to bind up the brokenhearted.  I know that I am not unworthy because through Christ I am made worthy.  I know that God does not call me ugly or fat.  I know that God loves me more than anything and nothing can separate me from that love.  I know that He will never leave me or forsake me.  The problem with intellectual knowledge is that it is not heart knowledge.

I cannot force my identity in Christ to become heart knowledge.  I cannot MAKE myself believe that God names me something other than what I have named myself.  I have to live into His love for me.  I have to LIVE into the names He calls me.  And to do that I have to come honestly before Him and admit that I CANNOT become who He made me to be on my own.  I CANNOT be who He made me to be WITHOUT HIM.  HE leads me and HE names me.

Lord, give me ears to hear You.

What about you?  What have other people named you?  What have you named yourself?  Who does God say that you are?

Guest Blog: Joy Eggerichs

My friends, today you have the unique and great privilege of reading some words from Joy Eggerichs. Joy and I, for the past year or so, have had lots of similar friends, and have been brief acquaintances... but I didn't really have the opportunity to sit down and chat with Joy until earlier this month. And WOW, I have been missing out! Joy is sincere, honest, intelligent, and she cares very deeply about the hearts of women.

Joy works for Love and Respect Ministries, a marriage ministry started and prompted by her father, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his now-famous marriage book of the same title, "Love and Respect." She is engaged in some very deep and fascinating research regarding several aspects of marriage, and she has volunteered to share some of her questions and heart here at The Outdoor Wife.

So please, take a moment to read what Joy has to share, and please contribute to the discussion by answering her questions in the comments!

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Being the daughter of and working for the man who wrote a book on marriage titled, “Love and Respect,” has made it impossible to ignore the word 'respect' and what it means to me.  I will admit, Ephesians 5:33 is not a passage many of us women jump for joy when reading.

“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” 

Ephesians 5:33

I have had to ask myself this question and would like to pose it to you…

Question: Is respect only earned or should it be given unconditionally?


Society
For myself, when I first looked at society as a whole, I thought that I should live life in a way that earns people’s respect. I am only responsible for me, right? And as a Christian, I should probably show humanity unconditional respect even if I don’t respect or agree with their behavior. From my view of Jesus in scripture, that seems to be the way he operated with people on earth.


Marriage
Looking at marriage (as a single person) I thought through my idea of what unconditional love and respect would look like. Personally, I want both. So, are love and respect different? I think this can be the hardest question I get from people.  It’s hard to define because love and respect will play out differently depending on the person.

Some people believe that men and women are exactly the same. If this is what you believe, then deciding that God could give us different instructions based on our sex would be irrelevant to you.  You will disagree with me, and that’s okay.

My conclusions are based on what I have read and observed.  Those experiences, as well as research on the male and female brain gives me confidence to state: we are different. What people can wrongly assume is when we say someone is different; we are stating that they are lesser in value.

This is wrong.

My mother and I both know we desire respect, but my mother voices the desire because she feels so assured of my father’s love.  If I am honest with myself, I know I expect respect, but I don’t dream about it the way I dream about being loved.  But, since I know I want both, why wouldn’t scripture say, “Husbands and wives, unconditionally love and respect one another?”

My dad has said, “We all need love and respect equally. However, as years pass in marriage, (especially in conflict) felt needs differ.  For example, most husbands are assured of their wives’ love but wonder if their wives really like and respect who they are as a human being.”

He points out this difference can be due to wives loving more naturally (generally speaking) than husbands. This explains why God does not command a wife to agape-love her husband.  Only a husband is instructed to agape (unconditional) love.  God instructs wives to respect in a way He does not instruct husbands.  This may mean it’s not as natural for women to unconditionally respect.  My dad says men live by an honor code, so respect can be easier for them (again, generally speaking).

Understandably, I sense resistance to the instruction of unconditional respect because we have seen cases of abuse. We can think of the women who stay in relationships with men who yell, “Respect me woman!”  But again, as I have learned from my father, we are never to respect evil behavior, but we have the power to respectfully confront evil behavior.  The Biblical instruction becomes a gift and a tool that is full of power.  Showing contempt for someone will never work.

Would anger and contempt motivate you to change?

Abuse aside, most of us are dealing with men who naturally are flawed (so are we) but are not evil men. So then, what are we called to do? Should respect in marriage be earned? Is that what Ephesians 5:33 means? If my future husband says his love has to be earned, I will feel like our partnership is performance based.  I will live feeling like I can never good enough.

That’s no fun.

I realize that regardless of what society says, I will trust (even when it doesn’t make sense) this instruction’s ability to strengthen and create freedom in my future marriage. It might not be easy or natural, but like I said earlier, I am only responsible for me.  This is about how I come across, not about my husband being perfectly respectable.  I hope his demeanor is loving, instead of demanding that I appear perfectly lovable.




Research
It finally clicked for me when I read the results of our ministry’s research over the last year. We asked around 7,000 people if in conflict they feel more unloved or disrespected?

83% of men said they felt more disrespected.
72% of women said they felt more unloved. 



Equal but different.

Therefore, my conclusion can only be to trust the likelihood that he called me to be obedient in a different way.  And that’s ok.


Questions: Do you agree? Is respect only earned or should it be given unconditionally? Has anyone seeing the positive effects of being obedient even when it doesn’t feel natural to our character?

Guest Blog: Kim from Yellow Songbird

I love creative and crafty people. I really do. They are such an inspiration to me and frankly, I've always been in awe of that kind of talent.

I am a horrible crafter. I don't have an eye for design, fabrics, decorating... you name it. I'm just not good at it... but oh, I love people who do! I love perusing through Etsy looking for handmade items, or cruising home-decorating blogs, daydreaming about having a personal stylist come take care of my home.

Kim, the beautiful young woman who contributes today, is one of those awesomely crafty people. Have you seen her stuff? No? Oh, well you should... then purchase every item so I can vicariously live through you and enjoy your new adorable stuff. Seriously. The coffee cuffs? The covered button earrings? Forget about it, I'm sold. The links to her sites are below, in her post.

Kim also has an amazing heart for Jesus. She pursues Him, looks to Him, and leans into Him. So even though I love her amazing craftiness, I love her heart even more.

Enjoy her post today!

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Hello! My name is Kim and I’m the face behind the blog, “Yellow Songbird” and the shop “oh, sweet joy.” This is my first guest blog post and I’m not sure what to do with it. However, my husband and I went home to Texas this weekend for Chase’s brother’s high school graduation and a wedding of some dear friends. The Lord spoke to me in a pretty real way on the way home so I think that’s the best thing to share right now.

We drove, which takes anywhere from 12.5 to14 hours, depending on stops and weather. The drive there wasn’t bad, although we got in around 3:45 a.m.  The drive back was rough. We were exhausted from four days of nonstop activity with family & friends, driving back and forth between Celina & Dallas, and late nights followed by early mornings.

Once we got in the car, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to be back into our townhome in Gunnison, see our friends, watch LOST, and go to bed.  My hope and my joy were revolving around those four things.  My comfort was determined by how rested I was and if we were making “good time.”

Music is one of the few things that keeps me awake while I’m driving. I drove from about 4 p.m. to 1:30 a.m. and by the time we passed midnight i.was.struggling.  However, once you put on Jeff Johnson for me to harmonize with, I’m golden….singing my little heart out and staying awake while worshipping.

On the way back, I was driving my shift and we had the ipod on a genius mix. An old-school Switchfoot song came on and at first I was like, hmmm “a walk to remember” soundtrack? no thanks! But decided to listen anyways…Here are the lyrics that seemed as though they were being yelled at me


“maybe we’ve been living with our eyes half open, maybe we’re bent & broken”


“we were meant to live for so much more, have we lost ourselves?”


“we want more than this world’s got to offer and everything inside screams for second life”


Anyways… Kim, where are you going with this? You’re probably wondering and thinking about clicking away… just hear me out for one more paragraph.

every.single.day… I find myself living for other things. My hope, joy, comfort, and peace are set on things that are fleeting and are eventually going to let me down. The idols in my life are so real, even though I pretend I don’t have them.  Every day I find my comfort in my home, my joy in whether or not Chase is having a good day at work or if I make sales in my etsy shop, my hope in a good workout, someone liking my work, and productivity throughout the day, my peace in whether or not the house is clean and the dishes are done.  Are all of these things/idols bad in themselves? No. my husband is a good thing. My home is a blessing. My etsy shop is fun. My house being clean & dishes being done are really important. However, when I start to concentrate on these things first thing when I wake up, and not spending time with the Lord,  my day is screwed. My priorities aren’t straight and I struggle to focus on what is important.

We have a living hope in our Jesus, but do we live like it?

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead… 1 Peter 1:3

What are you putting your hope, joy, comfort & peace in and what idols can you displace today?

Guest Blog: The Tiny Twig

I love it when people try new things, step out of their comfort zone, and get adventurous. When people think of "adventure," a lot of minds instantly think of climbing mountains, jumping off cliffs, traveling the world, and exploring the wilderness. But in my mind, an adventure is just trying something new, especially if you have kids.

The Tiny Twig has joined us here to talk about her take on living a life of purpose, fulfillment and adventure. Her blog, Tiny Twig Goes Out On a Limb, is all about her journey to live a life of purpose and intention through trying new things and expanding the horizons of herself, her husband and her two dangerously cute little boys. She sticks true to my belief, that to find adventure, you simply need to get out of bed in the morning.

Enjoy!
____________________________


Adventure, inspiration, excitement, value, intention, enduring story.  These are all words that circle through my head daily.  I want to live a life of purpose and heart.  I value a life well lived, and at the end of it, a worn out body and a rich mind and soul.  When I became a mother, this desire to live an adventuresome life expanded exponentially.  I couldn't let these boys of mine have a life of days lived out in front of a television screen, knowing nothing more about the world than the confines of our home.

Now, unlike Mrs. Fancy Pants Outdoor Wife, I won't be winning any "outdoorsy" awards anytime soon.  I am about as opposite of outdoorsy as they come.  But, my adventures are lived out in the stacks of libraries, in the rooms of a homeless shelter, cooking foreign meals, and the like.  I like to think of myself as a cultural adventurer.  I accept new challenges with zeal, and I am always trying to show my boys that they have the power to do things and to do them well.  The world needs not perfection (because that will only come through Jesus), but people willing to think big thoughts, dream big dreams, and do big things.

So, do you value adventure?  What is the last good adventure you had?  Even if it was cooking something new and hoping (praying!) that your 3 year old would eat it...hey, I'd call that an adventure any day.  3 year old's are brutal!

Moving Week!

I can't believe it's finally arrived: Moving Week.

My house is in shambles and boxes, with about half of our belongings packed away, the other half in cabinets and shelves and closets. I've learned that moving away for a summer is much harder than moving somewhere permanently. Trying to figure out what to bring and what to leave is an incredible battle! When you move for good, it's pretty simple: Everything goes, and if you don't want to bring it, get rid of it!

So, all of my attention has been directed at packing this house. Our moving day is Wednesday, and I hope to get the new place all moved in and settled by the holiday weekend. That may be a tall order to fill, but I am determined... and probably the most stubborn person on the planet, so chances are good that I can get it done.

Since I will be preoccupied with packing and moving for the week, I have lined up some awesome ladies to fill in for me here! It is my hope and prayer that you will read their posts and allow the Spirit to lead you into reflection. They all have great contributions and they all ask some awesome questions.

So, if you would, please give them the same warm & kind response that you do for me. I look forward to reconnecting with you all next week, from our summer home near the river.

I'm back! Well, kind of.

If you haven't noticed, I haven't been writing much here lately. Not because I haven't wanted to, but because we've been on the road and in the air! Yep, this little family finally went traveling. 

 

First, we went to Denver, where we got reunited with some family we haven't seen in a while, like our niece, Kate.

We also got to see Erik's brother, Matt, graduate from college with a degree in Engineering. We got to hang out with his girlfriend, Karen... we like her!

The trip to Denver was tough on Rowan. He was a little sleep-deprived. Bad for him, great snuggles for me.

After the graduation, we left Denver and headed to Salt Lake City. Our dear friends, Kyle and Joy are planting a church in the urban core of the city. It was amazing to visit and hear how God is transforming the hearts of the people there. 

In Salt Lake, we visited their public library, which is ranked the best in the US. Rightfully so, it's unreal.

Then, Joy and I took a stroll through the LDS Temple Square.

To answer your question, no, we're not Mormon. But, the history of the Mormons is so deeply rooted in SLC's history, I was really excited to go visit and sight-see.

If you're not Mormon, you're not allowed inside the Temple. But the outside was really beautiful and the architecture is stunning. The grounds were immaculate, with tulips and pansies blooming everywhere. 

So, that's where we've been! And, I apologize, but this is only a brief stop-in to say hi and post some pictures. Next week, you'll be hearing from some good friends who are guest-blogging for me! Yep, it's moving week already, so I'll be running around crazy and heading south to our new home for the summer. You'll definitely want to be around next week, there is some GREAT stuff being posted here! 

And thanks to everyone for your emails, notes, comments and tweets. It's encouraging to know that you enjoy reading the blog enough to miss me when I'm not around! I'll be around more soon, I promise. 

Living afresh.

I confess that my blog has gone neglected for a few days lately.

Not out of lack of desire for writing, but rather because of... well, life. With Erik out of town, my spare time is limited. When I do have a few moments to myself while the boy naps, I'm usually making it a priority to shower, or get things done around the house. Finding time to write even while Rowan was awake didn't use to be a problem... but you see, he's now mobile. 

Yes, my almost-six-month-old is crawling, and he crawls FAST. Long gone are the days of setting him down with a couple of toys and walking away to fold laundry. No, no. If he is on the ground, so am I. I'm not going through great lengths to baby-proof my house since we'll be moving out of it in two short weeks... so I'm opting to be on the ground, barricading him from sockets, door stops and dog food.

At first, I was kind of annoyed. I liked the safety. It was easy. But now, I absolutely love it. It's terrifying, to be sure... but it's hilarious and fun and wild and exciting to see my little boy experience the world differently than he did only three weeks ago.

I watch him grab new things with wonder, or spot his dogs from across the room and revel in the fact that he can get to them himself. I don't need to call them over to us, he just stalks them (the dogs are rather annoyed at his newfound mobility. Now that he can move, our pups will know no peace).

While I watch and smile at my own son's delight, I am reminded of the One who delights in us as we experience new things and live life afresh. 

Though the world that we are bound to now is broken and cracked in some of it's most sacred places, I am reminded that there is so much here to enjoy, to learn, to experience, to feel and to love.

There is an eternal prize, yes and Amen. But I refuse to ignore His simple wonders on this journey's path.

There will come a day when all is made new and beauty is restored and His Kingdom will reign forever... but His Kingdom is breaking through already - here, on Earth, in this very spot, right beneath our noses, in the smallest and simplest ways.

What new experience are you living today?

Humbled. Grateful. Joyful.

I'll write more about this soon, but I'm just stopping in to say that (in)courage has awarded me a sponsorship to the Relevant Conference. 

I can't even begin to describe the excitement and joy I have in my heart. I am so humbled...

...and so excited!

I read the posts at (in)courage every morning and the writers are all some of my favorites that I read daily. 

Thanks for the opportunity. I'm beyond honored.

Thankful on a Thursday - People

Today, I'm thankful for the presence of people in my life. The small, tight and intimate community that has surrounded me, loved me, prayed for me, and lifted me up. The friends that listen when I'm hurting. The friends that encourage when I'm insecure. The friends that make me laugh when I'm feeling a little down. 

Some live here, in this quirky & cloudy city. Some live in far-away states and countries. It never seems to matter where they physically find themselves... because they offer their hearts to me & I'm able to receive them every day. In so many moments, I find that their love... that God-pouring-out-of-them kind of love... sustains me.

I just don't think I can live this life without good people. So today, I'm most deeply thankful for those who have so graciously loved me & stuck around... even despite my many flaws and shortcomings.

What are YOU thankful for this Thursday?

Please share your Thankful on a Thursday post with the link sharer below!

101.  A husband who hangs with the boy so I can go play with a dear friend who's in town.

102.  When I come home from aforementioned outing, there's cupcakes waiting for me on the counter.

103.  I have a beautiful, healthy, funny, adorable, crawling reason to celebrate Mother's Day.

104.  How small words of encouragement change my heart in big ways.

105.  Wisteria vines and how they make even the most wretched fence look stunningly beautiful.

106.  Crisp, hazy and cold mornings.

107.  Antique, fabric-covered books. 

108.  The sparkle in Rowan's eye when he catches sight of his rubber duck in the bath.

109.  Food.  All of it.   I love it.

110.  The best friends anyone could ever pray for. 

A deep yearning.

I want to get out of the concrete of the city and allow my feet to dig deep roots in a life of simplicity.

I dream of nights that wrap me up in blankets of star sparkle, instead of the warm glow of high-rises and traffic lights.

I dream of big blue skies and countless days in the brightness of warm rays.

I want the little toes of my boy to feel familiar in cool grass and dirt rather than pavement.

I want a garden. I want to learn how to grow things... nurture them... then find our bellies full of the goodness we've grown.

I dream of small town markets and a one-stop-shop for coffee... a place where I see my neighbors in the morning.

My heart aches for that big front porch with a swing that whispers "Grace is in this house."

I desire warm summer nights in that porch swing with my love. His arm around me, sitting with me in the quiet sparkle while the boy dreams his adventure boy dreams in the quiet room upstairs.

I dream of big color blooms of lilacs and honeysuckle and tulips and roses in the spring, making beautiful bouquets on our kitchen counter.

I yearn for the slow. The pause. The simple. The quiet.

So what do you do? What do you do when your deepest yearnings collide with life? If you sit in my chair, you never stop dreaming those big dreams of stars and porches.

But, you pray.

Pray for calm. Pray for the deepest peace that only comes from the One. Though I sit in the hardened grey of the city, He does a soft but strong growing in me through the waiting and yearning.

I may be living in a concrete life, I may yearn for days in the dirt, but I choose to believe that beautiful things can grow in the cracks of pavement.

What are the desires of your heart?

"Feminism" - A Discussion.

In recent conversations with both women and men, along with some comments that have been left here on the blog, I've been left a little puzzled about the term "Feminism" or "Feminist." It seems that it carries such heavy connotations for some, but for others, it's passed off rather flippantly.

When I think of a "feminist," in all its social & political implications, here's what I picture:

I think of a strong, independent woman. I think of a woman who is confident in her identity as a female... She's comfortable in her own skin, aware of her sexuality. She also fights for equal pay for an equal day's work because it's deserved, and she stands firm against injustices done to other women... both in her own country and around the world.

But what does the Church say about feminism? Why is it so attacked in Evangelical circles? Can I not be a Christian woman and also a feminist?

Where is there space for equality? Where does the man/woman divide start and finish? Is there a place in the Church for women to be bold, independent, and (gasp) leaders?

Can feminism be dangerous? If a line is indeed necessary, where do we draw it? 

Okay, enough jabber from me. What do YOU think about feminism? Are you a feminist? How would you describe it? What has been your experience with feminism in the Church?

A Vlog.

I never thought I'd do this, but... I guess there's a first time for everything, right? It's also the weekend, so chances are, not many of you will watch it.

Thank goodness.

Anyway, here I am. In all of my sleepy glory.


My First Vlog from Nish Weiseth on Vimeo.

Thankful on a Thursday - A rough week.

I won't lie to you. This week, I'm kinda fighting to be thankful. It's been rough. I'm getting ready to leave for Grants Pass in about 30 minutes... Erik is moving there today. I'll follow him in a short 3-4 weeks, but let's be honest here. Rafting season has arrived. Which means an end to a lot of things.

I know in my heart that it actually means the start of many things. But right now, all I can feel is the leaving. Leaving friends. Leaving home. Leaving church.

Ugh.

Not to mention I have to go 3 to 4 weeks without my man. Which, compared to what we've been through in the past, is but a drop in a very large bucket. I'm trying to keep it in perspective. I have friends... dear, precious friends... who are watching their soldier husbands being deployed to deserts on the opposite side of the world for 4, 10, and 18 months.

Three to four weeks? Come ON, Nish. Pull your crap together.

I also got my first hurtful email yesterday from an anonymous reader. Ouch. If I have ever, ever, ever come across as pompous, self-righteous, or spiritually fake, I am so sorry. My intention was never to puff myself up. I just write because I like it and sometimes, I like to share what I'm learning and how I'm changing.

Anyway, in regards to this place... I hope it's an encouragement to those who need it. I hope it speaks Truth to those who seek it. I hope it's a place of safe discussion for those who desire it.

And last night, I had to say goodbye to a youth group that I've poured my soul into for the last three years. There's no other way to describe that experience except... hard. Goodbyes are HARD. I know in my heart of hearts that it's time to move on and pass the baton, but it was difficult to look into the faces of those high schoolers and not feel like I'm abandoning them in some way.

Thank you to all of those who have offered their own encouragement and words of Truth these past few days. I've needed it. I'm thankful for you today.

What are YOU thankful for this Thursday?

Please share your Thankful on a Thursday post with the link sharer below!

91. God's Truth.
92. We'll have a roof over our head... even if it's not in Portland.
93. Double Stuff Oreos. I can't have many, but those few that I can... yum.
94. Rowan's first tooth made its appearance this week... and we came out relatively unscathed.
95. My new orchid flower that sits on my countertop... and how it reminds me of my parents' house.
96. Good, solid encouragement from women I've never even met.
97. I say this a lot, but I'm really thankful for coffee.
98. I am provided for... beyond measure.
99. Getting to hear the hearts of the high school kids last night. They have impacted me far more than I have impacted them.
100. A good, long, hug and kiss from Erik. Sometimes, it's just what I need.

Overwhelmed.

Cardboard boxes.

Signing leases.
Six months.
Choosing what furniture to bring.
Do I take my WHOLE kitchen?
Certainly the coffee pot.
What about the blender?
Do I bring lamps?
Pictures for the walls?
Am I being frivolous?
Do I need to bring so much stuff?
What about Rowan?
His crib.
His changing table.
His clothes for 9 months.
His clothes for one year.
Oh. My. Lord.
He's going to fit into 12 month clothing?
OUCH! He bit me!
Wait, is that a tooth?
Erik, quick! Hold him!
You won't get to see him much once we move.
Packing.
U-Haul.
We need more boxes.
Will we need a trailer, or a full truck?
I need more coffee.

PAUSE.
Travel to Denver and Salt Lake City.
RESUME.

Okay, we're back in Portland.
Keep packing.
Keep planning.
Who will help us unload once we're there?
Wow, I really won't know anybody.
Except the river.
I know the river.
I know the sunshine.
Will those be my only friends?
Is that enough?
Will I be lonely? Sad? Frustrated?
What about the DVDs?
Do we bring them all?
Just our favorites?
Should we bring books?
Which ones?
Tolstoy? CS Lewis? JK Rowling?
What about church?
I'll miss my church.
Rick's sermons.
Luke's sermons.
Love Portland.
High school kids.
Heather's British accent.
The nursery workers know Rowan now.
Where will I go to church?
Will they love Rowan just the same?
Will they love me just the same?

PAUSE.
Breathe.
RESUME.

I'm going to miss our friends.
Will they miss me?
Should we bring our printer?
I'm not sure we'll need it.
What about trash cans?
We'll probably need those.
Rowan needs a nap.
Should we bring all of our towels?
It's just six months.
I can rewash.
The whole bed, or just the mattress?
I say the whole bed.
Erik says just the mattress.
Typical.
Ranger! Shasta! Stop barking!
Will my dogs run away with no fence?
What if a bear comes on the land?
That would suck.
I could use a cupcake right about now.
I need to forward our mail.
I need to find a pediatrician.
Get all the records sent.
Oh shoot, I have to reschedule his next appointment.
The dogs need to see the vet soon.
Ranger! For the love, PLEASE stop barking!
Shoot, Rowan's awake.
Should I pack up all of our dry food?
Or just some of it?
I need to go to the grocery store.
Little brother comes to dinner tonight.
I think he's bringing his buddy.
What am I going to cook?
Does the new place have a dishwasher?
I think she said it does...


... I am overwhelmed.

Lord, grant me peace.

What overwhelms you? How do you calm down?

What's on my iPod?

Recently, I asked if any of you would read a post about what music I'm listening to, and I got an overwhelming response of YES. I think music is a universal language, don't you? It's something that everyone seems to appreciate & participate in on some level.

I've gotta go ahead and say that a lot of my music choices aren't really "family friendly" and they certainly aren't in the Christian music realm, either. It's not to say that I don't like or appreciate wholesome and Christian music, because I do!  I really do.

So, without further ado, here are the albums that I can't stop listening to on my iPod lately:

Mumford & Sons - Sigh No More
This band ROCKS. Enough said. Just go listen.




Recommended Track:  "The Cave"

Vampire Weekend - Contra
I've been a Vampire Weekend fan for a long time, and their latest effort, Contra, has not been a disappointment. In fact, I can see this album becoming a summer favorite. All of the tunes are upbeat with catchy melodies. The first song on the album, "Horchata," is a song that shouldn't be played any other way than loud, in the car, under sunshine, with all the windows down. The whole album screams of fun and it's still very quirky... just like the band. 


Recommended Track:  "Horchata"

John Mayer - Battle Studies
A tall, good-looking guy with a smooth, raspy voice, playing the blues guitar? Sold. 


John Mayer has come a long way since his first album, and I gotta say, I quite like the change. His songs are richer, fuller, more intricate and you can hear his life being lived through his music. I was a fan my freshman year of college, I'm still a fan now. 


Recommended Track(s):  "Heartbreak Warfare" and "Perfectly Lonely"

Katie Herzig - Live in Studio: Acoustic Trio
I first became aware of Katie's talents when she first started as the lead singer of Newcomer's Home. Katie would sing during the special segments at my church in Colorado and I became hooked on her voice and honest lyrics. Her career has since taken off; she's toured with The Fray and Brandi Carlile, and her music has been featured on Grey's Anatomy. This particular album is sublime. It's perfect to play on a lazy Saturday afternoon... or while you're sitting in the park in the sun.

Recommended Track:  "Hey Na Na"

Ke$ha - Animal
I don't really have anything to say that's going to redeem me from making this choice in music.

I'm sorry.

And, you're welcome.


Recommended Track(s): "Your Love is My Drug" and "Tik Tok"

Pride & Prejudice - Music from the Motion Picture
If you know me at all, you'd know that I'm a huge sucker for classical music. I'm sure I can attribute it to years and years of playing the violin. I'm also the biggest fan of this movie in the entire universe. It's probably my favorite remake I've seen (yes, I do love the 10 hour Colin Firth version, too). It's beautiful, artistic, clever, and Keira Knightley, whether you like her or not, was a perfect Elizabeth Bennet. Anyway, this music sends my heart soaring into romance and daydreams and it has become my perfect reading companion as of late.

Recommended Track:  "The Secret Life of Daydreams"

Switchfoot - Hello Hurricane
I love me some Jon Foreman. And I love me some Switchfoot.

This album should be played while driving really, really fast. Or while running. Or doing anything that can get your adrenaline pumping. It's loud, gritty and awesome.

See? I do like some wholesome music, too.

Recommended Track(s): "Needle and Haystack Life" and "Enough to Let Me Go"

Dashboard Confessional - Alter the Ending
I love Chris Carrabba's voice. And I know that Dashboard is a little... moody. But this album brings back a lot of their classic sound. You either love 'em or hate 'em. Personally, I love 'em.

Recommended Track: "Everybody Learns from Disaster"

Jonsi - Go
Some of you may listen to Sigur Ros, and some of you may not. Jonsi is the lead singer and guitarist for the band and he recently came out with a solo album. It's absolutely breathtaking. Truly. The songs soar through the speakers, and a lot of Sigur Ros' signature sound really comes through. He's brilliant with the band, but he's also brilliant on his own. Please do yourself a favor and give this one a try. It may be a little weird at first if you're not used to this kinda music, but it'll grow on you. I promise.

Recommended Track(s): "Go Do" and "Around Us"

Goo Goo Dolls - Greatest Hits, Volume 1: The Singles
There are very few bands who instantly take me back in time to very distinct moments in my younger life. The Goo Goo Dolls are one of them. And, this album has all of the songs that I loved in high school! I'm also a firm believer that John Rzeznik is one of the few remaining true rockstars. I mean, he still wears leather pants, for goodness sake.

Recommended Track(s): "Black Balloon"

Led Zeppelin - Mothership
I grew up listening to Zeppelin... and Hendrix, CREAM, The Byrds, Jefferson Airplane, etc. This is my Dad's music and I'm proud to say it's my music, too. If you've never be introduced to classic rock and roll, this is the best place to start. It will shred your face right off.

Recommended Track:  "Black Dog"








Okay well, there you go. That's the first installment, anyway.

What are YOU listening to lately?